part one

before i continue, i want to talk briefly about the period of my life when i was 17-20. i call this period as the first black period in my life in those three years all i did is that i cried all night and all day whenever I'm alone. I was depressed and i thought of committing suicide many times but i couldnt why???

Thats a long story all i can say is that my dreams were crushed ... and no one stood by my side ... no one tried to think that this little sensitive girl needs help, not even the ppl who are supposed to be the closest to my heart (my mom and dad). they all left me alone.
I used to stay all day in my room not talking to anyone. no one bothered and asked about how do i feel.

guys don't ever consider the dreams of your kids to be silly even if from your point of view they are silly. i lived all my life dreaming of things and my parents were so encourging me to do all of those stuff that i want to be and even they were telling me that they couldnt do it but you will (just like in the movies) but when it was time they were like we don't care?

the most hurtful thing is when one of your parents complains about how his/her parents didnt allow him/her to acomplish his/her dreams and when the time comes and it becomes your kid's dream you repeat the same action??????????? although you were telling him/her all the time you will do it and you go and tell all the kids at school about how proud you are of your parents.

the problem is that they still complain about how their parents didnt allow them to do the things they couldnt do!!!???? how come?? and more over you encourge other kids, their nephews to follow their dreams??? but when it comes to your kid no? let her go to hell so what if i promised her with the things she wants ..

in addition to that is the pains that comes when you see the society stealing your dreams from you. 7sait eny mathlooma and i was. akthar sh3ooor '7ayes bl denia lama t7es enek mathloom i felt like i was 50 when i was just 17. its not only painful, noo. the worst thing that comes from feeling this is that you start to hate everything. you hate all ppl you hate your life and you hate yourself.

for three years i lived alone in my room no friends no life, crying and wishing that my heart stops soon. but it didnt ...